Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
