I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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