I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
