im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
