You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
