I've blown a few things in my day
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
