i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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