the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
