my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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