my mouth tastes like poor choices
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
