when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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