I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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