I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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