I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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