You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
