McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
