Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
