well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
