my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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