JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
