I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
