I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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