i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
