I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
