Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
