I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
