Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
