Cold hands, warm shart.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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