Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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