You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
