I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
