Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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