just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
