we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
