when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
