I'm eating all of the evidence.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
