Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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