Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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