I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
