oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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