Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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