Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
