and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
