So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
two words: eviction party
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
