It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
