Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
