he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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