oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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