Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
