it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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