we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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