Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
