So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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