Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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