dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i out mim tonsoeep
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
