just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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