I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
