I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I need water and some morals
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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